Saying Yes, Creating Generosity in Relationships

One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received is “say yes as often as possible.”  This single gem has served as a guide when I am asked, “Can Susan spend the night?  May I call Emma?  Will you take me to the barn?”  It is not as though I can always respond in the affirmative, but the question is enough to stop me and ask myself, “Why not?” 


It seems that in the hectic times of school starting, it is so very easy to become overrun by activities and chores, that many of us forget to look at those we love with a “yes” in our hearts.  Even with our spouses, friends, and colleagues, the attitude of saying “yes” can become like oil for a bicycle chain.  A little bit of grease goes a long way towards making things run smoothly.  A little bit of “yes” goes a long way towards making our relationships run more smoothly.


Saying “yes” can create an atmosphere of generosity within a home, an atmosphere that says, “I am willing to do what I can to make your life a joy.”  This atmosphere, cannot help but influence those around us.  In this way, saying “yes” can become a means of mining a positive disposition from the strength within yourself.  This positive attitude, in turn, cannot help but influence those around you.


This is not to say that any one of us should become a doormat to be used by others.  Nor am I encouraging an abandonment of self-respect and suggesting that anyone add to their “to do” lists.  However, I am suggesting that oft times people get into a habit of saying “no” before they even know why they are saying it. 


Research, from medicine to psychology, suggests that perhaps we would all be a little more satisfied with life if we adopted a positive attitude, an attitude of “yes.”  Yes, I will help you, after I rest for a minute.  Yes, you may go outside as soon as you make the bed.  Yes, I will make dinner and will you participate in the clean up?  Please note, saying “yes” does not mean saying “yes, if you will...”, but “yes, and will you...?”  It means asking oneself, what do I need in order to say “yes?”


The question then becomes, how can I say “yes” to this person?   What do I need to change in my schedule, ask for from them, or change in my own attitude in order to say yes?  It may be that we are so tired from the hectic pace of our lives, that a few minutes of silent rest is just the thing to restore ourselves.  Such restoration, such rejuvenation may put us in a “yes” frame of mind. 


It may be that more participation from the family members in keeping up the house will free us up to say “yes.”  Or perhaps, it may be that simply changing an inner habit of thinking negatively will allow us to say “yes.”  Either way, saying “yes” to others and to ourselves can reveal the innate generosity within, while beginning to cultivate a culture of generosity without.



  1. (c)1999  Melanie McGhee                                                                                                             Originally published in THE DAILY TIMES, Maryville, TN